Just saw the Marty Friedman thing, about 10 things you should know before visiting Japan… (didn’t exactly watch it) I remember it was recommended to me on youtube a long time ago… and I kinda put it off as just “some random white guy visiting Japan & telling ‘what’s different'”. But he’s lived in Japan since 2003, so I can’t really complain. The experience of an established white guy, moving there (Jason, Marty) or somebody who breaks out “appealing” to foreigners (yabatan, dogen), is very different from a random immigrant moving there to get a better life.
Shit’s weird man. I think there’s still a lot of pride inside me… regarding feeling like I “know” the country & “deserved” to make it big & be “successful” (whatever the fuck that means)
(as much as I want to forget, move away, run away, redefine, there’s still a part of me inside that still sees making it big IN JAPAN (mainly Tokyo), fitting in, as successful)
Why? I don’t know.
Could be my pride. Could be not wanting my “hard work” to go to waste. The glasses I put on, not wanting to be stagnant & cling onto the only idea of success I had.
When you look back & realise, why are you still holding onto that sense of pride? It’s a constant push & pull… wanting to feel important & acknowledged “oh ho, I know what “Japan is like” hurr durr”, as well as trying to accept it wasn’t all good, and to move on from it. There were days where you were so lost… and it was fucking hard to get out of bed in the morning. When shit & life seemed so bleak, it was hard to continue.
Maybe it’s about wanting to feel important at the end of the day. Of being able to say “I conquered x or y”, “I have more knowledge about y or z”, whether that be living in a certain country, know the ‘ins and outs’ (whatever the fuck that means) of a certain topic, or having the pride of just “been there, done that, therefore I am IMPORTANT; ACKNOWLEDGE ME”.
Wanting to be seen by others, not as the colour of your skin, where you come from, or what you do… but for what you’ve conquered, how far you’ve come, who you are.
(All the times spent searching up X or Y, comparing yourself to them… “heh I know more Japanese than this person” or getting salty/frustrated/upset over somebody else who was less skilled/ less knowledgeable(?)/ less deserving(?????) find ‘success’ faster than you – that’s a slippery, slippery slope. Comparing others to yourself… will grant, bestow upon you great suffering.
Success – & comparing is a strange thing. Success, in all honesty is just straight up subjective. The only objective part about it is in our biology. If we just survive & pass on our DNA, that’s pretty much it. That’s the success that is imprinted into all living organisms.
But when the idea of success is constantly defined by the society around you (or a blind & un-doubtful acceptance is made), shit gets out of hand over time. In some ways, it’s not a bad thing being able to unite the people under a common goal, and push everyone towards the well being of a community. It’s definitely not a bad thing.
However, pushing those who question & search for different things aside, not nurturing them & forcing them to think otherwise, as well as creating a cycle of long lasting emptiness, only to benefit a certain group of people probably isn’t the way to go.
There are some people out there that genuinely believe that earning more money = more success, and they find happiness & fulfillment from that, and that’s okay. There are other people that believe tending to their garden, or inciting revolution to overthrow the system also gives them great joy. And that’s okay too. Shitting on one another for out beliefs (that are subjective by the way), isn’t exactly a healthy way to do things. We often times forget that deep down everybody is searching for the same things. To feel important, to be loved, to be recognized. To be seen, to be acknowledged.
One thing I think for many, (and even very, very often myself as well) is to realise, to notice, to remember it’s okay to not want to fit into that box of success. To have the courage to explore & constantly change, evolve & develop the definition of success. And to be okay with that. Not to let the expectations of others cut too deeply. But also remembering to not let the constant critic of your own expectations hurt you.
To give yourself the space to experience, learn, love, forgive, forget, regret, suffer, acomplish.
To give yourself the space to be.
Love & peace
(tuesday 16th June 2020, 23:50 ish?)